This was the first book I ever wrote from beginning to end. I had started other projects before, but I never completed them. This one was different because I pushed through and finished it, even though it was written in a hurry since I really wanted to get it out into the world.
As you will see in the first version, the idea began after I came across a post on Quora while searching for a book I wanted to read. Someone asked a question about whether they had committed what they called blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, and I immediately recognized the fear behind it as something connected to OCD. The post was already a few years old, so I could not respond at that time. Before that, I had also watched a YouTube short where a doctor spoke about OCD, and in the comment section I saw many people sharing their personal experiences.
Seeing that Quora post affected me deeply, especially after reading those YouTube comments. It brought up a strong emotional response in me, and I felt a need to write about it immediately. That urgency is clear in the first version because I just wanted to get the story out as fast as I could.
After completing it, I made the decision to rewrite the entire book from the beginning. The second edition goes much deeper, includes more detail, and is written with better structure and clarity. The first version still carries raw emotion, but the second edition is the more complete and refined work.
Below are the reasons why the second edition is the better choice after reading the first. Above and below, there are links where you can download the full first book in PDF format, as well as a free Chapter One of the second edition. If you are reading this and struggling with OCD, I want you to know that you are strong and you are not alone.
A rare family perspective is included in this edition through a foreword written by my three sisters. They share what it was like living with me while I was going through severe OCD and how it affected them as a family. Their voices add a deeper understanding of how the condition impacts not just one person but everyone close to them.
The book opens with a major life moment where I woke up completely blind on February 1st, 2016. This moment sets the emotional foundation of the story and helps explain the depth of fear, isolation, and vulnerability that shaped everything that followed.
The second edition takes the reader through nine years of my lived experience with OCD in a much more detailed way. It shows how it slowly shifted from quiet mental struggles into strong physical compulsions that began to take over daily life in very real and visible ways.
A key part of the story is the moment I finally learned that what I was experiencing had a name, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. From there, the journey continues into understanding intrusive thoughts and learning step by step how I began to regain control of my mind.
This version is presented as the most complete and refined form of the story. The writing is smoother, the structure is clearer, and the emotional impact is stronger while still keeping a simple and honest voice that is easy to follow and connect with.
Download & Purchase
Get the full book here:
Download full first edition (PDF): Download First Edition
Download free Chapter 1 of second edition (PDF): Download Chapter 1 (Second Edition)